I'm a fairly obedient person. I try not to speed. I follow general public order signs, "Please wait to be seated.", "No loitering.", "No outside candy in the theater." (Okay that last one isn't always true.) I was pretty obedient in school, only getting sent to the Principal's office once for wearing flip flops (I had a "severe" toe injury). I even try to follow my current professor's unreasonable page formatting expectations. (Who uses double space in grad school!) Anyways, all in all, I'm pretty 'rule-abiding'. This includes the big 10 - you know, the Ten Commandments. But there's one area where I struggle. Trusting in God.
You may say, will that's not obedience that's trust; it's different. Before I might have agreed but I believe now that we are called to trust in God, we are called not to worry and it's a matter of obedience. It's not a 'Hey, if you can, don't worry. If you have the desire, trust in Me. If it's not too hard, place your life in my hands." No. We're called to lay our burdens down, to stop worrying; to know that God values us more than the lilies in the field.
As I mentioned in my last post I've been anxious lately. I've never experienced this type of anxiety. I've cried out to God; I've felt lonely, empty, and at times abandoned. But of course, I know this isn't true. I know my God will never leave nor forsake me and that He is with me always. But sometimes that doesn't make it any easier. Finally, the other night I believe God clearly called my anxiety what it was - a case of disobedience. (Please note: I know many people struggle with anxiousness, I am not in anyway saying their anxiety is disobedience....this is just what I believe for me.) I believe God called me out on my lack of trust in Him; on my lack of faith that He truly has the best in mind for me; that He truly will call all things to work together for my good; that He will complete the work He's started in me. And He'd be right (of course). Frankly, I've been angry with God lately. I've been frustrated with Him. And therefore, I've been disobedient.
My prayer now is of course one of repentance, asking for forgiveness. It's a prayer of thanks for the grace I know I've already received. And it's a prayer for strength as I walk forward each day on this journey God has me on. I may not understand it but I will trust in Him; I will trust in His undeniable love to see me through each day, each trial, and each anxious moment. I love Him. I have faith in Him. I will be obedient in my Faith to Him. Amen.
"Through Him and for His name's sake, we received grace and apostleship to call people from among all the Gentiles to the obedience that comes from faith." - Romans 1:5
Friday, May 18, 2012
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Anxiety
Anxiety. Anxiousness. Two words I've come to know all too well lately. You're first question might be why? What are you anxious about? Trust me, if I knew and could pinpoint it that easily I would, and I would solve the problem. Because that's what I do. I'm a problem solver.
But I don't know. And I can't solve it. I can just wait. I'm chalking it up as a learning experience from God. A chance to practice relying on him in big and small things. In walking down the street and flying across the country. In my current job and my future career. In the responsibilities that I have now and those that are surely to come. In my present state and hopeful dreams.
I saw a quote recently that said something like, "Anxiety is the result of freedom's choices." Perhaps this is true. Perhaps I have too many choices in front of me (I've never been so good at making decisions.) If so, I suppose the solution is trusting God in those choices. Trusting that, if I listen to that still, small voice, He will make His will known. His undeniable love will surround me, and guide, and grant me peace.
A friend of mine sent me these verses. I found them helpful:
Psalm 143:8,10-11 Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground. For your name's sake, O LORD, preserve my life; in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble
Psalm 127:2In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat--for he grants sleep to [fn] those he loves
Psalm 26:1Vindicate me, O LORD, for I have led a blameless life; I have trusted in the LORD without wavering.
Psalm 112:6-7Surely he will never be shaken; a righteous man will be remembered forever. He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.
Psalm 17:7-8Show the wonder of your great love, you who save by your right hand those who take refuge in you from their foes. Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings
Psalm 16:8-9I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure,
Psalm 4:7You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound. I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.
Psalm 94:18
When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love, O LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.
1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.....
Put another way: "I cast all my anxiety on You because You care for me..... You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound. I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety. I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure. Show the wonder of your great love, you who save by your right hand those who take refuge in you from their foes. Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings. Vindicate me, O LORD, for I have led a blameless life; I have trusted in the LORD without wavering. When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love, O LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul. Surely he will never be shaken; a righteous man will be remembered forever. He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground. For your name's sake, O LORD, preserve my life; in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble."
I am reminded too of this verse, one of my favorites: "Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun." - Psalm 37:4-6 (NIV)
But I don't know. And I can't solve it. I can just wait. I'm chalking it up as a learning experience from God. A chance to practice relying on him in big and small things. In walking down the street and flying across the country. In my current job and my future career. In the responsibilities that I have now and those that are surely to come. In my present state and hopeful dreams.
I saw a quote recently that said something like, "Anxiety is the result of freedom's choices." Perhaps this is true. Perhaps I have too many choices in front of me (I've never been so good at making decisions.) If so, I suppose the solution is trusting God in those choices. Trusting that, if I listen to that still, small voice, He will make His will known. His undeniable love will surround me, and guide, and grant me peace.
A friend of mine sent me these verses. I found them helpful:
Psalm 143:8,10-11 Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground. For your name's sake, O LORD, preserve my life; in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble
Psalm 127:2In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat--for he grants sleep to [fn] those he loves
Psalm 26:1Vindicate me, O LORD, for I have led a blameless life; I have trusted in the LORD without wavering.
Psalm 112:6-7Surely he will never be shaken; a righteous man will be remembered forever. He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.
Psalm 17:7-8Show the wonder of your great love, you who save by your right hand those who take refuge in you from their foes. Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings
Psalm 16:8-9I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure,
Psalm 4:7You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound. I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.
Psalm 94:18
When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love, O LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.
1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.....
Put another way: "I cast all my anxiety on You because You care for me..... You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound. I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety. I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure. Show the wonder of your great love, you who save by your right hand those who take refuge in you from their foes. Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings. Vindicate me, O LORD, for I have led a blameless life; I have trusted in the LORD without wavering. When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love, O LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul. Surely he will never be shaken; a righteous man will be remembered forever. He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground. For your name's sake, O LORD, preserve my life; in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble."
I am reminded too of this verse, one of my favorites: "Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun." - Psalm 37:4-6 (NIV)
Sunday, May 6, 2012
All for His Glory
There are days when I feel pretty good about where I am, where I've been, and where I'm headed. Then there are days I don't. On those days I question my purpose in life. I question whether I'm doing what I should be doing to achieve my purpose. What does God want me to do? Where is He?
There are days when I think all is good in the world. I am full of hope for the future, joy in the present, and appreciation for the past. Then there are moments when I miss my dad so much my breath stops, when my heart breaks from loneliness, and when I question why. Why sickness, why death, why shattered dreams and broken hearts? Where is God in this?
Am I trying to do too much? Am I trying to be too much? Are my attempts at filling the hole by my doing and being simply making the hole larger? I think yes.
I think I make things too complicated. I think my purpose is simple: to love God and love others. To experience and share His undeniable love with those around me. But how do I do this when I feel so empty? How do I pour out what I've yet to capture? So I pray. 'Father, please give me strength. Fill me up with your Holy Spirit. Make me whole Lord so I may serve you and honor you with my life. Point out those things in my life that are keeping me from fully receiving You.' And I get up, and I do my part. I chose Him over the distractions of the world. I run freely in the paths of His commands. I surrender my joy and my pain to him; my fullness and my brokenness; and I trust that He uses it all for His glory. Amen.
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