The Darkness of Dismay

Over my past few blogs I’ve hinted at this “thing” I’m going through right now.  It’s a hard thing to explain.  Essentially, I feel like I am distant from God in a way I haven’t experienced before.  I’ve questioned whether it was me, my thoughts or my actions causing this distance.  I feel like this “thing” is really big; a really big distance.  And yet in other, smaller ways I know that God is right there with me.  I’ve blogged before about how I love when God shows up in little ways…really little ways - but when He does it’s big, at least for me.  Because for me it reminds me that He is here, in the midst of this crazy world we live in, and He cares about the details….those little details that in light of recent events like the earthquake and tsunami in Japan really shouldn’t matter and yet they do…they do matter and sadly they have the ability to consume our thoughts.  And God shows up in these, which is AWESOME. 
       So this morning God woke me up….early.  (It’s 3:27 AM as I write this)  It’s these early, early wake ups when I tend to cry out to God and ask Him where He is….knowing full well He’s right here with me, He did wake me up after all.  And yet I don’t feel Him.  I want to feel Him because that’s what I do, that’s how I am.  I want to feel in love.  I want to feel happy at work.  I want to feel the joy of Christ…..well right now I don’t have a lot of feeling going on.  In fact, I’d say that the zest for life that I once felt, is gone.  Please, don’t be concerned.  I know exactly the reasons for this:  I moved 2,000 miles across the country, left my job, my family, and my friends to spend time with my father who passed away almost precisely 5 months after my move.  I’m now in a beautiful community with wonderful people, but it’s not the same….it’s not my community, they aren’t my people.  I’ve been uprooted from my foundation and as I recently blogged about…this action of uprooting can have dramatic effects on someone’s relationship with Christ.  That is where I find myself.  That is the “thing” I’m going through.

       So…back to being woken up by my loving Father at 3:27 AM.  As I’m doing what a lot of people do in the middle of the night (hint, the room with a toilet), a take a look at what Oswald Chambers would have to say on this day about my current situation….and low and behold, God showed up.  I take comfort in Chamber’s message for today from My Upmost for His Highest:

      "At the beginning of our life with Jesus Christ, we were sure we knew all there was to know about following Him.  It was a delight to forsake everything else and to throw ourselves before Him in a fearless statement of love.  But now we are not quite so sure.  Jesus is far ahead of us and is beginning to seem different and unfamiliar – ‘Jesus was going before them; and they were amazed.’ (Matthew 10:32)

      There is an aspect of Jesus that chills even a disciple’s heart to its depth and makes his entire spiritual life gasp for air.   This unusual Person with his face set ‘like a flint’ (Isaiah 50:7) is walking with great determination ahead of me, and He strikes terror right through me.  He no longer seems to be my Counselor and Friend and has a point of view about which I know nothing.  All I can do is stand and stare at Him in amazement.  At first I was confident that I understood Him, but now I am not so sure.  I begin to realize that there is a distance between Jesus and me and I can no longer be intimate with Him.  I have no idea where he is going, and the goal has become strangely distant. 

       Jesus Christ had to understand fully every sin and sorrow that human beings could experience, and that is what makes Him seem unfamiliar.   When we see this aspect of Him, we realize we really don’t know Him.  We don’t recognize even one characteristic of His life, and we don’t know how to begin to follow Him. He is far ahead of us, a Leader who seems totally unfamiliar, and we have no friendship with Him.

      The discipline of dismay (emphasis added) is an essential lesson which a disciple must learn.  The danger is that we tend to look back on our times of obedience and on our past sacrifices to God in an effort to keep our enthusiasm for Him strong (see Isaiah 50:10-11).  But when the darkness of dismay comes, endure until it is over, because out of it will come the ability follow Jesus truly, which brings inexpressibly wonderful joy.”

      The darkness of dismay.  Dictionary.com defines the noun dismay as: “sudden or complete loss of courage; utter disheartenment; sudden disillusionment; agitation of mind; perturbation; alarm.”  I would definitely say at times I’m experiencing disheartenment and disillusionment in my walk with Christ for all the reasons I’ve mentioned before.  But, as Chambers says….I will take heart and endure this season with the faith that it too shall pass and when it’s over my relationship with Christ will be even stronger and even more wonderful.   After all, faith is not a feeling.  Faith is “being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”  (Hebrews 11:1)  In my case, faith is also being sure of what I hope for and certain of what I do not feel.  While I may not always feel God’s presence when I find myself in the darkness of dismay, I will endure until the darkness is over.  I will continue to trust in my God’s great undeniable love and continue to walk in the plan He has prepared for me.  Amen.

Are We Inviting the Enemy In or Do We Just Not Keep Him Out?

I've heard that the true test of a Christian is to remove him from the environment in which he is familiar and comfortable and place him somewhere new.  Then watch and see how he responds and reacts.  Does he still love his neighbor like himself? Does he still consider others before himself?  Is he still willing to lay his life down for his brother?  Does he still exhibit the fruits of the spirit? (Galatians 5:22-23: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self Control.) Is he still growing in his relationship with his Savior, Christ Almighty?

I currently feel like the subject of this 'experiment' described above.  Although I voluntarily  removed myself from where I was comfortable and familiar, I am in a new place nonetheless.  (Sure it's not that new since I've been here for a years now; but compared to the almost 7 years before it still feels new at times.) So, the question is - how have I done?  Do I love my neighbor like myself? Do I consider others before myself?  Am I willing to lay my life down for my brother?  Do I exhibit the fruits of the spirit?  And most importantly, am I growing in my relationship with my Savior, Christ Almighty?

Honestly, if this was an exam I'd probably make a 50%.  If it was a pass or fail....I'd probably fail.  (Unless the professor was nice and graded on a curve.)  Isn't that sad to admit?  It's certainly hard to admit (insert humbling moment).  This is coming from a girl that loves God, thinks Jesus is amazing, and relies on the Holy Spirit for her next breath at times.  So why the change?

First, I'm probably being too hard on myself.  I'm sure if I asked others around me they would put me more at a 75%.  But still, why not a 100%  Why?  Because I'm snarky at times (I like this word because it sounds just as not nice as it is.)  Because my mouth runs - a lot.  Because I work (once again) in the public service industry, which tries my patience.   Because I forget (often) that the world does not revolve around me.  Because I have a blind eye and deaf hear to the needs of those right in front of me.  

As I was praying this morning about this very thing,  I asked God what I had done, if anything, to let the enemy in.  His response was a question (so typical).  "What have you done to keep Him out?"  OUCH.  Me, being a dense dope at times, asked - 'What can I do?'  (Yes, I regretted it as soon as I asked it.)  But our God is gentle, and polite, and non-condescending, and truly exhibits that there are no dumb questions (not like us at all thankfully).  He gently directed me to Ephesians 6:10-18 the great passage about the Armor of God.  Forgive me if I've written about this before, I obviously needed a reminder today.

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.  Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  Therefore put on the full armor of God , so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.  In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.  Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.   And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and request.  With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints." (NIV)

God is with us all the time and He sends the Holy Spirit to help us; but it is our job to do our part to keep the enemy out.  Every day we must guard our hearts from this guy - he's a sneaky devil. (wink) Remember where the light does not shine the darkness prevails.  May God's undeniable love continue to encourage you and call you to put on the full armor of God and shine His light for all to see.  Amen.

Random Nuggets of Goodness - Part 6

As I continued sorting through my stack of old Bible Study and Sermon notes I found....

Becoming an Authentic Follower of Christ - Week 1 of 8 - Crosspointe Church, Valdosta, GA - 1/4/09

Am we completely surrendered to Christ?  

There's a big difference in just believing in something (or someone) and actually following that something (or someone).  It's easy to say that we believe in Christ; it's much harder to actual follow Him.  Following Him means living a life that reflects Him, seeking His wisdom and guidance, loving like Him, seeing others like He sees them.

Our journey with Christ begins with an invitation to enter into a relationship with Him. Although because of the actions of many it may seem that Christianity is simply a religion, it's not.  It is a relationship, a relationship with the Almighty Creator of this Earth.

Our relationship with Christ continues in His presence.  He is always with us even when we may not physically, emotionally, or even spiritually feel it.  Once we accept Him as our one and only true Savior, He promises He will never leave us nor forsake us.  And He never breaks his promise.

As we continue strengthening our relationship with Christ it results in an overflow from heart.  The love that we feel from Him will overflow into our relationships with others.  Through our words, our actions, our thoughts we are witnesses of the overflow of Christ.  What is our overflow?  Is it evident to others?

"Everything Jesus desires to do through you, He accomplishes through the time He spends with you." Whoa, so this means if I spend little time with Jesus He accomplishes little? (Note: although He is always with us, we are the ones who have to actively spend time with Him, actively reach out to Him.)

As I write this, I confess I am guilty of not spending sufficient time with my Lord.  What is sufficient?  Sufficient to experience an overflow.  Without the overflow I don't have the energy or compassion to love people the way Christ calls me to.  I have neglected my relationship with Christ and the one who suffers is me.

Father, please forgive me for taking advantage of my relationship with you and neglecting our time together.  I know that I cannot survive this world without You and that I truly depend on you in all areas of my life.  Please forgive me for having an independent, self-reliant attitude.  I surrender that to you Lord.  I pray that your Holy Spirit moves in me and continues to call me to You.  Lord I know you never leave me but please show me how to come back to you so that I may fully experience your undeniable love and share that love with those around me.   Amen.

Are we Hearing About or Experiencing Nourishment?

There is an important difference between hearing about something and experiencing something.  Picture someone describing the nourishment found in a big healthy meal to a starving man.  As the man listens he grins, he can imagine the taste of the yummy food, he knows the meal would provide him the vitamins his nonexistent diet lacks, he knows his body would feel so much better once he ingested the nutrient rich food.  For a moment, he may be satisfied but then he realizes: just knowing about the benefits of this healthy meal does nothing for him if he can't actually experience the meal.  He needs to actually ingest the fullness of it.

When it comes to the Word of God, we are much like this man.  We can know about the benefits of ingesting the Word but unless we actually read it for ourselves and experience the fullness of the Spirit, we will remain hungry.   Personally, I am guilty of trying to fill my God-given need for the Word with fillers and substitues.  I do my 'daily devotionals' and try to think those will fill me up.  They may, for a while, but eventually my craving for pure nourishment, straight from the source wins out.  Eventually (thank God) I go back to the Word and once again am amazed at the experience, the filling of my soul, the peace that surrounds my heart.

There is no substitute for God's pure Word.  Daily devotionals and words written by others certainly help us to know about the Word but only experiencing it for ourselves will we truly meet our need for sustenance.  Only then will we truly experience His undeniable love for us. 


"Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God."  Matthew 4:4 NIV

Random Nuggets of Goodness - Part 5

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." - Matthew 11:28-30 NIV

I wrote down this verse during a time in my life where I was burning my candle at both ends;  over-committed at work, over-committed in my social life, over-committed in my volunteer work.  Everywhere I looked I tried to give more until I eventually ran out of anything to give.  Yet, if you had asked me if I thought I was doing God's will I probably would have said yes. 

But God doesn't want us to burn the candle at both ends, He doesn't want us to burn ourselves out.  Sadly so many who love Christ, in both the secular world and the ministry,  fall victim to this habit of overdoing.  The reasons are plentiful so I'm not going to go into them.  The reasons don't really matter.  What matters is that Christ has a better plan in store for us.  His yoke is easy and His burden is light.  It is us that make His yoke difficult and His burden heavy.  We are the ones that pick up more, that must always do more.

Let us remember that God will never give us more than we can handle.  He equips us to complete everything He calls us to.  If we trust in His undeniable love and seek His wisdom, He will show us where to devote our limited time and energy - for the benefit of His kingdom and for our benefit as well.

Life's Seasons

I'm working through the Experiencing God Day-by-Day devotional by Henry and Richard Blackaby.  I thought today's passage and message was particularly appropriate for my life right now.  They follow with my thoughts further below:

"To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven." - Ecclesiastes 3:1

"The beauty in the way God designed the four seasons is that, though each one is distinct, they all work together to bring life and growth.  Spring is a period of freshness and new life.  Summer sees growth and productivity.  Autumn is a time fore harvesting the rewards of past labors.  Winter is the season of dormancy and closure.  Each season has its own unique beauty and makes a significant contribution to life. 

Just as God planned seasons in nature, he planned seasons in life as well.  Life has its spring time, when we begin new things and look excitedly toward the future.  Summer comes and we work diligently in the heat of the day at all that God has assigned to us.  With autumn comes the fruition of things begun at an earlier time in our lives.  Winter brings an end to a particular period in our lives.  Sometimes winter brings hardship, but we remain hopeful, for another spring is just around the corner!

In God's perfect design for our lives, He has planned for times of fruitfulness and activity.  He will also build in times of quite and rest.  There will be times when He asks us to remain faithful doing the same work day after day.  But there will also be periods of excitement and new beginnings.  By God's grace, we will enjoy seasons of harvesting the fruit of our faithfulness.   By God's grace, we will also overcome the cold winters of heartache and grief, for without winter there would be no spring.  Just as it is with the season of nature, these seasons in our lives work together to bring about God's perfect will for each one of us."

As I read this, I could clearly picture the various seasons of my life.  The spring as I graduated from college and started finally working in my chosen career field.   The summer as I worked, and worked, and worked in that field dedicating myself to "all that God had assigned to me".  The autumn when I began to receive recognition for my efforts; where I achieved my goals and could see the "fruition of things begun at an earlier time."  And now, the winter where the earlier period of my life is over and I've entered a time of "dormancy and closure".  (Ironically, as I write this, it's only 5 degrees - truly a time of dormancy!)  But as the passage mentions, winter can bring times of hardship and grief as well.  With the passing of my father only 5 months ago I've certainly walked through and continue to walk through the winter season.  BUT!  Spring is just around the corner!  By God's grace I was accepted to graduate school to achieve a dream I've had for quite some time.  By God's grace I will move once again to a new community.  By God's grace, I will continue to experience His undeniable love as I begin on this new adventure and look excitedly toward the future!

What season of life are you in?  Spring? Carry God with you on your new adventure.  Summer? Carry God with you as you diligently complete the tasks He's set before you.  Autumn? Carry God with you as you celebrate the fruits of your labor and give Him the honor and praise for your success.  Winter?  Carry God with you as you walk through this time of solitude, grief, hardship or whatever may be facing you.  And take hope, for spring IS just around the corner!   Amen. 

Random Nuggets of Goodness - Part 4

What We Are Called to Do:

Love one another - "Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for you brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart." (1 Peter 1:22 NIV)

Bear burdens for one another - "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:2 NIV)

Pray for one another (James 5:16)

Forebear one another - "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." (Ephesians 4:2 NIV)

Be kind to one another - "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32 NIV)

Admonish one another - "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God." (Colossians 3:16 NIV)

Build up one another - "Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification." (Romans 14:19 NIV)

Give preference to one another - "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love.  Honor one another above yourselves."  (Romans 12:10 NIV)

Live in harmony with one another - "Live in harmony with one another.  Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.  Do not be conceited."  (Romans 12:16 NIV)

Encourage one another - "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." (1 Thessalonians 5:11 NIV)

Submit to one another - "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." (Ephesians 5:21 NIV)

Serve one another - "You, my brothers, were called to be free.  But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love." (Galatians 5:13 NIV)

Accept one another - "Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God." (Romans 15:7 NIV)

Be devoted to one another - "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love.  Honor one another above yourselves."  (Romans 12:10 NIV)

Teach one another - "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God." (Colossians 3:16 NIV)

Comfort one another - "Therefore encourage each other with these words." (1 Thessalonians 4:18 NIV)

Forgive one another - "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32 NIV)

Be of the same mind with one another - "May the God who give endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and father of our Lord Jesus Christ." (Romans 15:5-6 NIV)

Regard one another as more important - "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." (Philippians 2:3 NIV)