When I look around me right now I see a lot of good things happening to a lot of good people. Marriages, new jobs, new babies, good moves, happy families, new relationships. If I look at my own life I see a lot of good things as well...yet at times I still feel myself wanting. Wanting what others have, wanting what I don't.
When I find myself doing this I try quickly to nip it in the bud, to rein in those thoughts and feelings, and to focus instead on the good, the true, the holy in my own life. For there is some much good, true, and holy. My God loves me. He has a plan for me. His timing is perfect. His grace is all encompassing. His love is unending. His mercies endure. His Spirit is all powerful, all knowing, and all present.
I don't want to lose sight of all that God has blessed me with. I don't want my feelings of desire and want to cheapen what I know God will bless me with in the future. When I was a child I used to try and find my birthday/Christmas gifts before it was time to open them....I just couldn't wait to see what I was getting. And yet, every time I found them, every time I spoiled the surprise, it cheapened the ultimate gift. There's something about waiting until THE right moment to receive something that makes it all the more special. There's something about knowing that you didn't do anything to force something that it just happened when it was supposed to, how it was supposed to. That's where I want to be....walking in the knowledge that each day God allows what's supposed to happen, when it's supposed to happen....and there's nothing I need to do to make it happen. He is in control. He is trustworthy. He has my best interest at heart.
If God told me the plan now, I'd be far less likely to cling to Him everyday. I'd be less likely to search Him with all of my heart. I'd be less likely to call out to Him, less likely to fall on my knees crying out His name, knowing that I need Him to get through the next day, hour, minute. And where would that leave me? Empty. I've been there before and that's not a place I want to go back to. So, as much as it pains me at the time, I will continue to walk in wonder. I will continue to live out each day not knowing what the next will bring. I will continue to trust that my God has it all figured out and that He'll reveal each step to me in His perfect timing. Only then will my future bear all of the richness it deserves, without my meager attempts to cheapen it. Only then will God's undeniable love be fully realized, fully felt, fully relied upon.
