"I know I'm filled to be emptied again, the seed I've received I will sow." This is a line from the Desert Song by the group Hillsong. I love the entire song, listen to it here, but this line in particularly speaks to me.
In my life I've gone through ebbs and flows, valleys and peaks in my relationship with God. I've always (or for as long as I can remember) known there was a God and for the most part I've believed in Him and His goodness. Although there were certainly times when I didn't place my full trust in Him, that all changed about 7 years ago. I really started living FOR Him about 5 years ago.
Since truly, 100%, all out, no turning back dedicating my life to Jesus, the experience has been wonderful, the freedom amazing, and the change in my life phenomenal. God is full of blessings and love and friendship and joy and the list goes on. So if He's so wonderful, and fabulous, and amazing (and He is) then why would I ever not stay right next to Him?
If I'm honest with myself, there are times when I certainly don't spend the time in His word or with Him in prayer that I should to maintain our relationship. We've all heard this before. Just like any relationship, our relationship with God requires maintenance on both sides. Well, God is flawless so He always fulfills His end of the deal....it's us that struggle with time management, laziness, selfishness, and a host of other thorns in our flesh....or maybe that's just me.
Anyways, I've gotten somewhat off track. My point with the line from the Desert Song by Hillsong is that there are seasons in my life where I feel farther away from God. I would say at times I am in one of those seasons now. I'm in a place (physically, emotionally, and mentally) that I've never been before. I no longer have my group of friends to hold me accountable, a home church to keep me regular in worship, an accepted and recognized place in my community, or my dear sisters-in-Christ to meet and pray and cry and laugh in the Holy Spirit's presence (thank God for the telephone).
My point though is that in spite of the valleys I may find myself in, I believe that I have been filled at other points in my life so that I may be emptied at this point. There have been times in my life where I have been overflowing with the presence of the Lord and the effects of His presence. I know I'm still in the presence of the Lord now since He is always with us and promises to never leave us, but it is those times of fulfillment in the past that push me through these times of scarcity now.
Does any of this make sense? All in all, I'm so thankful for the undeniable love of our God. The blessings He shares and the amazing plan He has for our lives. I know I am exactly where He desires me to be. I know He is using me even if I don't realize it or can't see it in tangible ways. I know that all of the seeds I've received in the past are being sown now....and that there will be a time when I will be filled again so that once again I may be emptied for the mighty purpose of our Lord and Savior. Amen.
